New Beginnings

Here I am, sitting at my new desk at Luther College, 5 hours from the comfort of my home. I see it as the sunrise to my new life. I have been given a chance many people would kill for and most do not get. I get to start college over, to be who I truly want to be. After a semester of being unhappy about 98% of the time I am ready to be a very happy person and I can't wait to see what the future will bring. I think that I am already beginning to be one of those "I LOVE LUTHER" people, someone who can't see themselves anywhere else. I love my roommates and my floor. Basically I just love it though it is still hard. I still feel a little lost and I don't know all of the inside jokes, though I am always included. It is more of my home than Drake ever was yet I am still not entirely at home here yet either. I feel in limbo with no real place I fit in perfectly yet though I'm sure that day will come very soon. Yesterday I decided to join the soccer team here. Yes, the actual varsity team, not club anymore. I was beyond excited! That is until I went and lifted with the team. Beforehand we played some soccer, which was fun and the girls were really nice yet I felt like an outsider, not part of the team. But I guess this is to be expected, joining the team in the middle of the year. It was even worse when we had to max on bench. I am probably the weakest athlete ever and it was really embarrassing. I know that I can get stronger and can still make friends and make the team it is just really frustrating and I just want to lay in bed and forget about everything. But I am still happier than I was before, even more than I was a couple days at home. I have always been so afraid of being judged by people and I felt like they were all looking at me, placing a label on me. I know that I can get through it and I have to. I know I can handle my classes and soccer because I love it and I am happy here. I was so overwhelmed by my class and everything this morning but then I finished my essay earlier than I thought I could so that boosted my confidence a little bit.
I really need to work on leaving the drama of Duluth behind though it is very difficult. I want to talk to people there, and I know that I can, I just need to not obsess over things there that I can't change and don't really matter. Hopefully my new beginning will lead me down a better path than the one I was traveling before and I know in my heart that it will.