Raise Me Up

For to His angels He's given a command

to guard you in all of your ways;

upon their hands they will bear you up,

lest you dash your foot against a stone.

And He will raise you up on eagles’ wings,

bear you on the breath of dawn,

make you to shine like the sun,

and hold you in the palm of His hand.

I can't believe that I have been at Luther for a week and a half already! Although it seems like I just got here, at the same time it feels like I've been here for longer. I absolutely love it here! I truly believe that God sent me to Drake so I would be able to choose where I really belong. No matter what happens here I know that I am meant to be there and that pretty much nothing could be worse than my experience at Drake! Although I made great friends last semester and I do miss them, I have made even better ones now. I feel like I fit in and that I truly belong. As silly as it sounds, there are so many better guys here also! My days are filled with homework, class, soccer workouts, intramural basketball and soccer games, and just hanging out with my roommates and new friends. I couldn't have asked for better roommates or floor mates, though our room (not my side of course) gets VERY messy, but in the grand scheme of things it doesn't bother me too much. Last weekend I was able to briefly hang out with one of my very good friends from elementary school, which made my first week here even better. After going to a week of soccer workouts, although I still am quite comparatively weak, I think that I can do it and I am doubting myself less. At Luther I am so much happier and self confident, which I believe is due in a large part to my surroundings.

New Beginnings

Here I am, sitting at my new desk at Luther College, 5 hours from the comfort of my home. I see it as the sunrise to my new life. I have been given a chance many people would kill for and most do not get. I get to start college over, to be who I truly want to be. After a semester of being unhappy about 98% of the time I am ready to be a very happy person and I can't wait to see what the future will bring. I think that I am already beginning to be one of those "I LOVE LUTHER" people, someone who can't see themselves anywhere else. I love my roommates and my floor. Basically I just love it though it is still hard. I still feel a little lost and I don't know all of the inside jokes, though I am always included. It is more of my home than Drake ever was yet I am still not entirely at home here yet either. I feel in limbo with no real place I fit in perfectly yet though I'm sure that day will come very soon. Yesterday I decided to join the soccer team here. Yes, the actual varsity team, not club anymore. I was beyond excited! That is until I went and lifted with the team. Beforehand we played some soccer, which was fun and the girls were really nice yet I felt like an outsider, not part of the team. But I guess this is to be expected, joining the team in the middle of the year. It was even worse when we had to max on bench. I am probably the weakest athlete ever and it was really embarrassing. I know that I can get stronger and can still make friends and make the team it is just really frustrating and I just want to lay in bed and forget about everything. But I am still happier than I was before, even more than I was a couple days at home. I have always been so afraid of being judged by people and I felt like they were all looking at me, placing a label on me. I know that I can get through it and I have to. I know I can handle my classes and soccer because I love it and I am happy here. I was so overwhelmed by my class and everything this morning but then I finished my essay earlier than I thought I could so that boosted my confidence a little bit.
I really need to work on leaving the drama of Duluth behind though it is very difficult. I want to talk to people there, and I know that I can, I just need to not obsess over things there that I can't change and don't really matter. Hopefully my new beginning will lead me down a better path than the one I was traveling before and I know in my heart that it will.

The Reflection You See...

Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable

And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table

No one can find the rewind button, girl.

So cradle your head in your hands

And breathe... just breathe.

Today is the first day of 2011, the first day of the rest of my life, a time to say goodbye to the good and bad of 2010. 2010 was a year that I looked forward to for years. It was the year of my graduation, when I could finally go to college and have my freedom. I had so many good times sprinkled with some bad and some I try not to remember. My senior year flew by and to some extent I hardly remember it. Though I do remember the good times. Summer was one of the best times of my life despite friend drama and home troubles. I made the best of it trying to not focus on the bad. This attitude soon left me when I arrived at Drake. College was not what I expected and not what I wanted. I now can't wait to move into Luther tomorrow, to meet new friends and have new experiences. I have what so many would like to have, a second change. After one terrible semester I know what I want to fix and do better. I have realized that I need to live in the present and look toward the future, not dwelling in the past. Sure those friends are good when I'm home but I need to make new ones and continue on in my own way, not held back by past experiences. I am not the person who I used to be. I don't need to pretend to be anyone except myself. I am finally on the narrow path that will lead me in the direction I know is right for me. I absolutely can't wait to start my new life, my second chance. Bring it 2011.